Mental Restraint

Mental Restraint

Sometimes I find it so problematic to restrain my mental thoughts. The thoughts I want to transform into actions just to satisfy my irrational anger’s hunger. It would be so easy and so ‘human’ just to let my flesh kick in and do what the f#*% it wants and not even worry about conquering AGAPE or the consequences of my actions. I could speak ever little dirty fucking word that ever crossed my mind without considering the feelings of others just because their actions do not consider mine. I could unleash all the hellish pandemonium my flesh craves if I really wanted to. But then again that’s not who I am, nor is it whom I desire to be. Sometimes you have to put your feelings aside and be better then you actually want too.

Selfish people do selfish things. I don’t think I will ever understand the motivations behind their actions, nor do I want to. Some may argue that we’re all selfish in our own ways but under what circumstances is it okay to be selfish for the motivation of self-fulfillment, when you are hurting others? It is never okay! Here I am always attempting to be the better person, call it what you want, but conquering AGAPE is probably one of the biggest accomplishments I will ever achieve in life. To just forgive someone no matter what harm they bestowed unto you, what hurt they caused you, and not hold it against them is some bottomless profound shit. In all honesty when one is hurt, it’s hard not to be angry with the person who hurt you. You want them to feel the pain you felt, hurt the way you hurt, perhaps even worse. If only I wasn’t trying to be like Jesus.

Too forgive someone who hates you for whatever reason, disrespects you, cheats on you, kills your mom, kills your family, etc., without holding it against them, feeling no resentment whatsoever is on some Jesus level of mentality. That’s the type of journey I’m traveling on. Weak minded and weakened fleshed humans are the obstacles in my path, and they make my journey so painstakingly difficult. On the surface, I know these obstacles are merely tests; tests to uncover my will power, the strength of my mentality, the depth of my convictions, and all that I am capable of becoming. In a sense, these people that are ‘only human’, are imprudent temptations to influence my mentality to make me want to be like them, but I’m so much better than that and I desire to be more than ‘only human.’ So I put aside my pride and my feelings and remind myself that people are who they are. I must accept them the way they are because they are what they are, they do not know any better, although in all actuality they do know right from wrong. I’ll just continue on my journey still loving and forgiving. The seeds these foolish people plant will bear the reward in which they will unpleasantly harvest. I hope the seed of my love will sprout roots in your heart and grow. It’s so easy to hate what you no longer wish to love. Hate is just a burning fire that feeds off of love and other emotions to eventually consume you.

" The love will remain through the strains of the heart's pain unyielding and forever true." -Arielle